


be gay do crimes

by Anonymous



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Group Chat Fic, M/M, More characters to be added, Social Media, Texting, also more characters will be coming for the first... number of chapters, i dont know what im doing this might be obvious, its just a ton of doctors and companions from mid travelling or after travelling we'll see, we (i) need more gc fics so i decided to supply, yeah i dont know what im doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22738297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: @luckythirteen has created a group chat@luckythirteen has added @khanyounot@luckythirteen has added @rye-an@luckythirteen has added @grahamobrien@luckythirteen has changed their nickname to rainbowsrainbows: let’s get this bread
Relationships: Ninth Doctor & Jack Harkness & Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor & Donna Noble, Tenth Doctor & Martha Jones & Donna Noble, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Comments: 54
Kudos: 133





	1. it begins

_@luckythirteen **has created a group chat**_  
_@luckythirteen **has added** @khanyounot_  
_@luckythirteen **has added** @rye-an_  
_@luckythirteen **has added** @grahamobrien_  
_@luckythirteen **has changed their nickname to**_ **rainbows**  


**rainbows:** let's get this bread

 **grahamobrien:** Ryan, son, is your name a pun on bread?  
**grahamobrien:** And why?

**rye-an:** i was going through some things

_@khanyounot **has changed their nickname to**_ **bebidontdocrime**  
_@rye-an **has changed their nickname to**_ **bebidocrime**  


**bebidontdocrime:** this is gonna get confusing fast

 **bebidocrime:** that seems like a you problem

**bebidontdocrime:** there can be only one……..

**rainbows:** crime usually wins  
**rainbows:** be gay do crime

**bebidontdocrime:** Doctor!! no!! you’re supposed to be on my side!!

**rainbows:** i’m not allowed to show favouritism the tardis will end me  
**rainbows:** (you’re my favourite, don’t tell the others)

**bebidocrime:** doctor that’s too vague

**rainbows:** ;)

**bebidontdocrime:** Doctor who’s your favourite

**rainbows:** ;)

**bebidocrime:** 👀

**grahamobrien:** Ryan how did you get the eyes?

**bebidocrime:** 🤫

**rainbows:** teach me

**bebidontdocrime:** give me admin and I’ll teach you those emojis Doctor

**rainbows** _@luckythirteen **has given Administrator to ******_**bebidontdocrime** _@khanyounot_  


**rainbows:** teach me 

**bebidontdocrime:** copy paste them 

**rainbows:** no how do i get new ones 

**bebidontdocrime:** I can’t give you that much power Doctor 

**bebidocrime:** guess i’m the fav now 

********

**bebidontdocrime** _@khanyounot **has changed**_ **bebidocrime** _@rye-an **‘s nickname to**_ **mechanicman**

**rainbows:** i met some mechanical men once  
 **rainbows:** actually, it happens a lot  
 **rainbows:** there’s a gang. group? of robots, well, clockwork repair droids  
 **rainbows:** they really wanted to repair their ship. or themselves in another case. bit nasty, used the crew of the ship and humanity to do those repairs.

 **mechanicman:** oh yeah, why do so many aliens want to end humanity doctor

**rainbows:** oi not all aliens

**grahamobrien:** Sure, not all aliens, but we don’t seem to be very lucky in meeting the not murderous ones. Or lucky in not getting invaded.

**bebidontdocrime:** yeah that time the planets were in the sky

**mechanicman:** tim shaw

**rainbows:** i thought everybody forgot about planets

**mechanicman:** nah me and yaz were in school when it happened

**bebidontdocrime:** now you mention it, it is surprising that it’s not still talked about a lot.

**rainbows:** never underestimate the human want to forget about aliens. and then forget about aliens. plus it helps that apparently unit shuts down most stuff and sends out excuses.

**grahamobrien:** Oh, interesting, thanks Doc

**mechanicman:** doctor can you give me admin perms too since you gave them to yaz

**rainbows** _@luckythirteen **has given Administrator to**_ **mechanicman** _@rye-an_  
**mechanicman** _@rye-an **has changed** @grahamobrien **‘s nickname to**_ **cheeseandpicklestan**

**cheeseandpicklestan:** How did you do that?  
 **cheeseandpicklestan:** Son?  
 **cheeseandpicklestan:** Actually I quite like it thanks

 **rainbows:** fuck

**bebidontdocrime:** is anybody else feeling scandalised at the Doctor saying fuck

**rainbows:** fuck!

**mechanicman:** who taught the doctor the fuckword

**cheeseandpicklestan:** Everything alright Doc?

**rainbows:** your mobiles’ timestreams have intersected with other mobiles which have travelled on the tardis

**cheeseandpicklestan:** And in English?

**rainbows:** think of time as a road, and your phones are the cars on that road, and those cars are heading towards each other, except nothing like that

**mechanicman:** like a phone crash?

**rainbows:** sure go with that  
**rainbows:** i’ll need a moment to stabilise the timestreams but i’m not 100% sure what’ll happen

**bebidontdocrime:** do we need to do anything?

**rainbows:** put your phones down preferably on a not flammable surface

**mechanicman:** dont you dare destroy my phone again

**rainbows:** i reformatted it!!  
**rainbows:** also you got five seconds

**bebidontdocrime:** until what

**mechanicman:** ha granddad just dropped his phone like it was burning

error _**has added** @baninea_  
error _**has added** @jackofhearts_  
error _**has added** @roséwine_

**rainbows:** who are you?

 **baninea:** who are you?

**mechanicman:** was anybody else weirded out by how incredibly in sync that was


	2. nine lives? no, thirteen

**jackofhearts:** hey doc, did the thing you say could happen happen?

**rainbows:** oh no

**baninea:** potentially

**mechanicman:** did he say doc as in doctor

**baninea:** what’s it to you?

**rainbows:** surprise. it’s me.

**baninea:** no

**bebidontdocrime:** what?

**roséwine:** I’m with the bi, what?

**rainbows:** yep

**baninea:** number?

**rainbows:** thirteen

**baninea:** that’s… impossible

**rainbows:** not anymore!

**roséwine:** so do we need to do introductions or… do we know you?

**baninea:** he’s me

**rainbows:** oh yeah, forgot that! _technically_ she now

**baninea:** oh, fantastic  
**baninea:** rainbows?

**rainbows:** everybody has to grow out of their emo phase sometime. took us a few turns but we’re here now.

**mechanicman:** i’m not the only one missing something here right

**roséwine:** nope

**jackofhearts:** nope

**bebidontdocrime:** nope

**baninea:** do you want to do the honours then, impossible number thirteen?

**rainbows:** if you tell me what time you’re at, not particularly but sure

**baninea:** are you my mummy?

**rainbows:** that early? okay  
**rainbows:** okay so, alien biology, when i die i don’t die  
**rainbows:** i become somebody new! new looks, new personality, same hard-drive

**baninea:** i’m the ninth, she’s apparently thirteenth, which should be impossible because we can only regenerate twelve times

**roséwine:** so you’re the same person?

**mechanicman:** how does that work?

**bebidontdocrime:** wait, when you said you were a ‘white-haired scotsman’ you were being serious? also if twelve times, surely that makes sense and the thirteenth would be the last?

**baninea:** don’t ask. and try not to tell me my entire life story

**rainbows:** hush it. i don’t remember you being here so you’ll be fine

**cheeseandpicklestan:** I’m so confused

**jackofhearts:** I’m sure... something

**rainbows:** nope

**jackofhearts:** 🙁

**rainbows:** again with the emojis!!! 

**bebidontdocrime:** okay, I feel like introductions are in order, and if you really the Doctor from the past, who are you two?

**roséwine:** we travel with him! I’ve been travelling for a while (or whatever the equivalent is when you’re a time traveller) and Jack just joined when we saved him from an exploding ship

**jackofhearts:** Thank you again, loves  
**jackofhearts:** I’ll kick it off - the name’s Captain Jack Harkness, 51st century man

**rainbows** _@luckythirteen_ **_has changed_** _@jackofhearts_ **_‘s nickname to_** **flirtyman**  
**rainbows** _@luckythirteen_ **_has given everyone Change Nickname permission_**

**roséwine:** okay, I’m Rose and I relate to **bebidontdocrime**

_@roséwine_ **_has changed their nickname to_** **intelligentpan**

**baninea:** well, i guess you know who i am based on rainbows over here.

**intelligentpan** _@roséwine_ **_has changed_** _@baninea_ **_‘s nickname to_** **edgey**  
**edgey** _@baninea_ **_has changed their nickname to_** **coolbiker**  
**intelligentpan** _@roséwine_ **_has changed_** **coolbiker** _@baninea_ **_‘s nickname to_** **edgybiker**  
**edgybiker** _@baninea_ **_has changed their nickname to_** **coolbiker**  
**intelligentpan** _@roséwine_ **_has changed_** **coolbiker** _@baninea_ **_‘s nickname to_** **edgybiker**  
**edgybiker** _@baninea_ **_has changed their nickname to_** **coolbiker**  
**intelligentpan** _@roséwine_ **_has changed_** **coolbiker** _@baninea_ **_‘s nickname to_** **edgybiker**  
**edgybiker** _@baninea_ **_has changed their nickname to_** **coolbiker**

**rainbows:** this could go on for a while

**rainbows** _@luckythirteen_ **_has changed_** **coolbiker** _@baninea_ **_‘s nickname to_** **ears**

**ears:** i’m insulted

 **rainbows:** change it and i’ll leave you a nice present outside your tardis :)

**bebidontdocrime:** what

**mechanicman:** with that terrifying image! **intelligentpan flirtyman** it’s nice to meet you and i have so many questions  
**mechanicman:** first: how did you meet the doctor because she kidnapped us

**rainbows:** oi it wasn’t on purpose

**ears:** again??

**cheeseandpicklestan:** Wait, again?

**intelligentpan:** a plastic mannequin tried to kill me

**rainbows:** 😶

**flirtyman:** I met Rose first, she claimed to be a time agent

**intelligentpan:** you mean you assumed I was a time agent

**bebidontdocrime:** where’d you get that emoji Doctor

**flirtman:** yeah, that 

**rainbows:** ;)

**ears:** rainbows, i’m assuming you’re getting this too

**rainbows:** bloody hell who’s up next

**bebidontdocrime:** I’ve never heard you swear??

**rainbows:** blame the tardis she likes to put a filter up

**ears:** she’s still doing that?

**intelligentpan:** the tardis has a filter?

**mechanicman:** this explains… so much

**flirtyman:** SO much

error **has added** _@tensaysnopears_  
error **has added** _@noblelady_  
error **has added** _@doctorjones_

**tensaysnopears:** who are you?

 **rainbows:** _looks into the camera like i’m on the office_


	3. here we go again

**ears** : let me guess, ten? 

**noblelady** : did you add us to the wrong group, doctor

**mechanicman** : another doctor? 

**flirtyman** : I’m going to need a moment

**intelligentpan** : congratulations! you’ve killed Jack

**doctorjones** : Jack?

**tensaysnopears** : rose?

**doctorjones** : Rose?

**intelligentpan** : do I know you?

**bebidontdocrime** : does anybody else feel like they’re intruding here or

**rainbows** : quick recap. **tensaysnopears** i’m you, thirteen, **ears** is nine, yes i do exist, rose and jack came with ears and they just are you my mummy-ed so no spoilers, the others are the new companions.  
**rainbows** : also, regeneration, i die, i come back as somebody new.

**intelligentpan** : this is so weird

**doctorjones** : nice to meet you all, I’m Martha and I’m a doctor. I finished travelling with the Doctor but I’m here anyway. just got onto the Tardis again with Donna, too.

**noblelady** : name’s donna noble. I ended up in the tardis on my wedding day, a massive spider tried to eat me or something. 

**mechanicman** : we just had spiders!

**bebidontdocrime** : mutated spider or alien spider?

**noblelady** : alien.

**intelligentpan** : wayyy, that sounds bad.

**mechanicman** : wayyy.

**tensaysnopears** : so who’re you two?

**bebidontdocrimes** : I’m Yaz, he’s Ryan, and there’s also Graham

**mechanicman** : speaking of, he still hasn’t picked up his phone

**doctorjones** : nice to meet you, Yaz and Ryan. I guess nice to remeet you, Doctor? what’s the terminology here?

**rainbows** : that works. same memories, so?? eh. it’s nice to see you again, doctor jones.

**doctorjones** : you too, Doctor.

**ears** : don’t mind the interruption. rose you haven’t seen jack have you?

**intelligentpan** : no why  
**intelligentpan** : oh

**rainbows** : F

**mechanicman** : F

**noblelady** : F?

**rainbows** : future talk

**rainbows** _@luckythirteen_ **_has changed_** _@tensaysnopears_ **_‘s nickname to_** **sandshoes**  
**rainbows** _@luckythirteen_ **_has changed_** _@noblelady_ **_‘s nickname to_** **earthgirl**  
**rainbows** _@luckythirteen_ **_has changed_** _@doctorjones_ **_‘s nickname to_** **deservesbetter**

**deservesbetter** : accurate name.

 **sandshoes** : they’re not sandshoes

**ears** : nice to know the future is bright.

**earthgirl** : so. now we’re all here. what’s the gossip. the juicy details. is the doctor still a twig?

**intelligentpan** : mine isn’t. is yours?

**sandshoes** : :l

**earthgirl** : 100% you could snap him in half

**bebidontdocrime** : ours isn’t either

**mechanicman** : until she elbows you in the stomach

**rainbows** : by accident!

**deservesbetter** : she?

**sandshoes** : ‘accident’

**rainbows** : right, yes, we’ve switched it up a bit. 

**earthgirl** : spacewoman? sounds weird

**rainbows** : hm no thank u. spaceman remains.

**sandshoes** : the future really is bright

**ears** : i was being sarcastic

**sandshoes** : i wasn’t

**deservesbetter** : so, if it isn’t too weird, how does regeneration work? 

**intelligentpan** : and does changing gender normally happen?

**rainbows** : every cell in your body gets shifted, basically. when we die or are nearly dead, that is. it’s a little… explosive. we’re supposed to only have 12 regenerations, but i’m a little past that. between me and you, the boys don’t know what number i actually am. but yeah, we don’t have the same views on gender as earth.

**sandshoes** : what number? what’s that supposed to mean?

**rainbows** : ;)

**flirtyman** : Hello again

**deservesbetter** : Jack, haven’t seen you in a while! how have you been?

**flirtyman** : Sorry, have I met you?

**ears** : everything time-wise is a little out of sync. you’ve finished travelling with me, but jack’s just started. 

**rainbows** : don’t say it

**sandshoes** : wibbly wobbly timey wimey

**rainbows** : damn it

**sandshoes** : hm… if you two are me, you’re getting this too?

**ears** : been there done that

**rainbows** : got the t-shirt. well i wish i got a t-shirt from it.

**mechanicman** : doctor you've literally never changed your t-shirt since you got that one. well you have but into different colours of the same t-shirt.  
**mechanicman** : anyway enjoy the ride!

**earthgirl** : i will.

**deservesbetter** : makes sense. it's also nice to know the Doctor hasn't changed that much

error **_has added_** _@elevenfishfingers_  
error **_has added_** _@pondamypond_  
error **_has added_** _@rorywilliams_  
error **_has added_** _@riverssong_

**riverssong** : oh, yes

**pondamypond** : ...doctor?

**cheeseandpicklestan** : Is it safe to return yet?


End file.
